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Five Steps to Teach Conflict Resolution to Your Troop
Everyone in your troop gets along like peas in a pod. When it’s time to partner up for an activity, Girl Scouts pair off without squabbling about who gets to be with whom. You offer a few choices on how to complete one of the steps of the badge they’re working on. One Girl Scout wants to do it this way, but the other Girl Scout would rather do it another way. Realizing they’re not on the same page, they have a frank discussion and come to a mutual agreement on how best to proceed.
Sounds like a dream, right? As much as we hope that every troop member will always be a sister to every Girl Scout, conflict within a troop is pretty common and natural. As with any group of people with different personalities, needs, and wants, disagreements will inevitably arise. This is especially true with younger Girl Scouts who are still learning what it means to be a good friend.
1. Stop and Breathe.
When something stressful arises, the limbic system of our brain takes over and primes our body to fight or flee. It prevents us from thinking logically about a problem. Let girls know that it’s okay to have strong feelings like anger and frustration, but that they don’t always have to act on them. We can usually override our brain’s instinctual response by taking deep breaths. Invite girls to take long, slow breaths to calm down—count to five on the inhale and five again on the exhale—before they dig into their conflict.
2. Share and Listen.
Everyone involved in the conflict should have a chance to say what they think happened. Allowing everyone to share their perspective also prevents Girl Scouts from interrupting to argue their own case and shifts the focus away from assigning blame. Reiterate that when someone is talking, it’s the other person’s job to listen.
3. Check for Understanding.
After everyone has shared, check for understanding by having Girl Scouts summarize what the other person said. For example, Girl Scouts can start with, “What I heard is…” or “I think you said…” and end with “Does that sound right?” or “Did I miss anything?” Going through this step ensures that everyone’s feelings and viewpoints are validated—even if not all parties agree about what actually happened.
4. Find a Solution.
Encourage Girl Scouts to work together to come up with a solution that feels good for everyone. You can use the prompt, “Do you have any ideas how we can solve this problem?” or “What’s a solution that would work for both of you?” As the adult, refrain from offering your own solutions unless Girl Scouts are really stuck; this empowers them to develop problem-solving skills.
5. Follow Up.
Actions should follow words, so if Girl Scouts have agreed to a solution, check in with them later on to make sure that each person held up their end of the deal. You can also ask if the solution worked out the way they wanted to, and what they can do if a similar argument comes up again. It might also be helpful to include these conflict resolution steps into your troop agreement, if you have one. Setting the groundwork for how problems will be solved in the troop sets group expectations for and ownership of how sticky situations will be managed.
